Dreams, Decisions & Choices. Oh my!

I’ve been struggling for a while with several major decisions. Should I sell my house to get rid of the debt and maintenance costs so I can make a career change? And, if I do sell how far away do I have to move to find affordable housing? Or, should I sell and rent for a while and stay in the area?

Honestly, even though I’m in the mortgage/real estate business even I can’t predict where this market is going. Some veterans in the field claim we’re looking at late 2008 recovery, and yet others say it could take two or three years or more to pick up. Who knows?

In the mean time, I’ve been offered an opportunity, by a very dear friend, to work for her marketing and public relations firm. I’d be writing, and contributing creatively as well as working on bringing in new business which sounds perfect. I’m drawn to the writing and creative aspects as well as to the business development and sales, since I’m good at this and enjoy it as well. But, what’s stopping me is the unresolved issue with the house – can I afford to keep my house and make this career change too? I’m pretty sure I can’t. Understandably, I would be starting at a lower salary since I’m new to this industry. Anyway, I’ve been going round and round with this decision for a few months now.

I’ve tried to be very calm about the whole thing and have been ‘telling’ myself that the answers would come to me at the right time. The last thing I want to do is panic and make a decision prematurely. I know that I want to work at the public relations company – the question is can I do it without selling my house? I really don’t want to sell in this down market, plus having moved 13 times in my life - the thought of packing again feels overwhelming. I also happen to enjoy the privacy of living in a home versus a condo, or apartment. But, I’ve been complaining for months about how much work it is to maintain a home, especially when you’re by yourself. So, part of me wants to move back to a condo, but another part of me doesn’t. This inner conflict and flip-flopping is driving me crazy. It’s all I think about lately too, and frankly I’m sick of it. I want this issue resolved.

Over the weekend I slept later than usual and had this dream:

I was married again – though I was aware that I didn’t want to be, it felt familiar. The mood in the house was serious, dark and Darth Vader-like. I felt my inner light being squelched-out by these very controlling vibes. It was 9 pm and he said it was time to go to sleep. I didn’t want to – it was too early and still light out. I looked out the window and saw people out strolling and heard them laughing and talking. We had a spat over this and I went downstairs to get away and be alone. I realized at that moment I had a choice. I could leave. I didn’t have to stay and be miserable. The only thing was I was barefoot and in my night-gown and didn’t want to be seen like this by my neighbors. Then I remembered I had a long sweater in the back of the car that I could throw over me when I got home and walked from the parking lot to my condo. (I seemed to have moved to a condo?). I left and knew he’d be wondering what happened to me but I didn’t care anymore.

Then suddenly I was walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood in Manhattan, but I ‘knew’ I was going in the right direction. I was following my instincts, and not panicking, while I made my way toward a subway station that I ‘felt’ would be up ahead over a hill I was about to climb. I ‘knew’ if I got to that subway station I could figure out how to get home.

I feel strongly that this dream was giving me my answer.

Interpretation: Leave the security of the safe, but worn-out environment that’s bringing me down and keeping me feeling small. Take back control of your life. Make the career change even if you feel ill-prepared – who cares what anyone thinks! You’ll improvise. You’ll feel lost at first but eventually you will find your way home. Plus, feeling your way in new situations is exciting. You’ll feel alive again.

As far my living in a condo again in my dream – I’m still resisting that for some reason. I can’t visualize that FOR SALE sign on my front lawn just yet. Could it be that it’s the right answer, but just not the right time? I do believe it has to ‘feel’ right too.

Aren’t dreams amazing?

One Response to “Dreams, Decisions & Choices. Oh my!”

  1. Vicki Says:

    I think that your dream was a clear sign that you need to let go of the house and move on to your passion. Trust that things will fall into place to support that choice, which I hear is the one you want to make.

    Actually, what you are teaching others is to not make “stuff” the focus of their world because it doesn’t feed the soul. The house that you have become attached to is actually “stuff” too. It is weighing you down with responsibility and making you very unhappy. My advice is to let it go, sell it, get out from under it. There really is no right timing–follow your heart–your passion!

Leave a Reply